我记得很小的时候看过一篇小说:一个年轻的士兵不情愿地被推上前线去打仗,结果当了俘虏,整天被关在监狱里,时间久了就变得自闭,开始产生幻觉,自己能化成飞鸟,自由地在外面的天空翱翔。到后来,他连说话的能力也失去了,只能发出鸟叫的声音。
这两天看了一部尼可拉斯凯奇在1985年主演的电影Birdy(鸟人伯德),讲述两个少年的友谊。伯德醉心于飞行试验,渴望像鸟儿一样,为此甘愿冒生命的危险,甚至对异性失去兴趣。后来两人参加越战,在战争中一个被烧伤,一个精神失常。伯德整日不吃不喝,拒绝和人交流,也不说一句话,像鸟儿一样蹲在床头。尼可拉斯凯奇痛心疾首,决定帮助好友康复。两人的友谊在一场对话中体现出来:
护士:It has been part of my work. (照顾伯德是我的本职工作)
凯奇:He has been goddamned part of my life!(伯德已经是他妈的我生命的一部分了)
最后两人逃出医院, 伯德重见天日,张开双臂像玉娇龙一样跃下,凯奇大喊“NO”,这时候伯德露出灿烂的笑容:“Why not?”
这真是一个光明的尾巴,虽然减弱了批判的力度,但给人无限的温暖。
我不知道电影和小说有没有联系,无从考证了。毫无疑问,鸟儿代表了人类渴望自由的理想,大林宣彦拍过一部“中国鸟人”,陈凯歌的“无极”里的张柏芝,“天龙八步”里的庄聚贤也都有把人像风筝一样放飞到天上的癖好。Neil Young的一首“渴望飞翔”更是优美得让人心碎。
“Expecting To Fly”
There you stood
on the edge of your feather,
Expecting to fly.
While I laughed,
I wondered whether
I could wave goodbye,
Knowin’ that you’d gone.
By the summer it was healing,
We had said goodbye.
All the years
we’d spent with feeling
Ended with a cry,
Babe, ended with a cry,
Babe, ended with a cry.
I tried so hard to stand
As I stumbled
and fell to the ground.
So hard to laugh as I fumbled
And reached for the love I found,
Knowin’ it was gone.
If I never lived without you,
Now you know I’d die.
If I never said I loved you,
Now you know I’d try,
Babe, now you know I’d try.
Babe, now you know I’d try,
Babe.